AIK

2002-04-23T02:13:00.000-07:00

wwwhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa! That last entry was pretty good. I forgot I wrote something from the Junsu. Just spent the last few hours reading up on friends that have websites or webjournals. I feel like I'm drifting further and further from my reality in the US. I wonder about it. I'm looking forward to visiting next week. I think it will give me some perspective and help me make some decisions about what I want to do in the near future. It's a little confusing. Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time in Korea and other times I never want to leave. That is a very wide spectrum of feelings, so I get very frustrated. Things I've been thinking lately:

1- I'm a really amazing person.

2- I'm very afraid of sharing myself with other people.

3- Fear makes me act really weird.

4- It's good to be a beginner. It's much easier to be inspired that way.

5- Although I'm a beginner at everything I want to do well, I still find it difficult to be inspired.

6- Maybe I need to pay more attention to the beautiful things around me instead of worrying so much.

7- I need to give myself and other people more credit. I'm too hard on myself, and therefore afraid of other people. I fear that people hold me to the same standards that I hold myself. Since I am always judging myself, I think people are always doing the same. So I'm afraid of them and what they think of me. But I think people just like me and aren't judging me. They just want to get to know me. I project my own fear onto them. My judgement of myself and my fear keep me frozen unable to move forward.

8- How do I change that?

9- I want to develop a skill. I want to be good at something that I admire other peple for being good at.

10- I want to create! But I'm really scared of it.

11- I talk a big talk, but I don't walk. Right now, I barely crawl. But I want to run!

12- I have to learn how to crawl before I can walk. And walk before I can run. And then if I'm lucky, I'll fly!

13- Patience and a calm sense of self are two things I need to practice.

That's it for now.

2002-01-14T01:35:00.000-08:00

What thoughts? Right now I'm taking a break from intensively studying Pungmul in the small village called Pilbong. It's nice to take a short breal. I went to the Mokyuktang, which was awesome because I haven't taken a real shower in two weeks. So right now I feel very clean, except that my clothes are still muddy.

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship to Korea and my experiences here. I haven't quite figured it out yet. I'm sure that it with take a long time just like everything does. You always understand things better inretrospect I guess. But I really love Korea. It's strange to love something so much, but to remain an outsider. I also wonder about way relationship to Pungmul. I love it. I know that. It's amazing to watch my teachers. Pungmul is their live. They are amazing at it. Seeing them makes me want that too. To have keep pungmul a part of my life always. Is that a wierd thing for a whitey from the middle American suburbs to want? I think it's weird. But I still feel it. I guess that's the important thing. I worry about it. How to do it? When I play pungmul my heart lights on fire and my whole being feels lighten. Cleansed. I love that feeling. I want to do things that make me have that feeling. Like art does it too. When I make something really amazing. I feel like that. And love too. These are the things that should be the most important things in my life. The things that set my heart on fire.

2001-12-30T05:26:00.000-08:00

I really want to write here today, but I can't think of what to say. Lately there are a lot of things on my mind that I haven't sorted out yet. Things that I couldn't be concise about. ha ha, not like my writing up to this point has been super concise or anything.

One person I'm really grateful for these days is Donna-unni! I mean she does a lot of really nice everyday kind of things for me here like translating and teaching me about things, but she also has a good sense of me as a person too. I guess I didn't realize it before but she really does! That's a nice feeling I think. To know that someone has paid enough attention to you to have a good sense of you. And that they take care of you because of it. I'm really lucky I think! It's like the moment you realize your parents know you a lot better than you wanted to admit or something. And then you smile because you love them for it. I like that. It steadies you.

The past week was pretty fun. Sarah and Dope thought me how to play go-stop (Korean card game) and I played until 4 am and won a bunch of money. That was fun! On Christmas, I played pictionary, and my team (Molly, Larry and I) kicked ass! That was really fun too. Than, Donna had a party at her house, and I saw Micheal, and Kyoung-in and Seungyoung and then met Choonyoungyi. It was all good. I just can't shake this anxious feeling I have though. I can't figure out where it comes from. It's causes.

2001-11-23T04:55:00.000-08:00

very long. many things. too many to renumerate. so here's how i feel today:

"I think maybe I have the same fear as my students, except I'm older so i feel like I shouldn't have it. but i'm really afraid of my future. People here often ask me what my dream is. I have no fucking idea, i want to tell them. That's weird I think. To not have a dream.

I really want to live, like I'm flying all the time. Always inspired! Is that possible? Can you live like that? Can you sustain it? I haven't been able to so far!! But each day there is something. Something that keeps me going. Some small or huge thing that sets my heart on fire. I wish I could keep all that burning all the time. Always giving me fuel!

Today when I left the house to go to school it was very foggy. or hazy. or something like that. When I stepped out of my apartment complex, I looked into the sky. The sun was hanging there. A big white circle. The haze had diffused the light enough for me to look at it staight on. God it was beautiful. Powerful. I love it when I see those things. Things so beautiful that you see it with your whole body. By the time I turned the corner enough fog had burned off that the sun was too bright again. But that one moment, that's the kind of thing that stays with you. That shapes you. The one moment looking at the white circle sun. "

2001-10-17T19:22:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was great!! About ten friends and I went to Andong to see the Hahoe village talchum festival. My weekend started Friday afternoon when I boarded a bus heading for Daegun. These is no direct bus from Jeonju to Andong, so I had to transfer in either Daegun or Taegu. Since two of my fulbright friends, Mimi and Kevin, that were going to Andong with me live in Daegun, I decided to spend the night there with them. Also, Gina, another fulbright friend that I have mentioned before, meet us in Daegun. We all stayed at Mimi's host family's house. It was really fun! We swapped a lot of stories about host families and teaching. Also, we watched the Princess Bride and about a trillion episodes of Sex in the City on Mimi's computer. I never watched Sex in the CIty in the US because I didn't have HBO. Man, it's pretty funny. Especially when you watch it with Gina and Mimi because they know all the words, repeat them, and then laugh for about an hour. hee hee. I love those guys.

Saturday morning, the four of us boarded a bus headed for Andong. At first I was sitting with Kevin, which was nice. I never really talked with him before. We had a long talk about religion. I was previously Morman and he was previously Seventh Day Eventist, so we were discussing the differences and similarities between the two, and hope leaving them behind effects us and your relationships with our families. It was a really good talk. We were riding the intercity bus, not the express bus, so we stopped in a lot of small towns. About half way through our ride, we stopped in Gumi. Another fulbright that was coming, Janet, lives here. By chance, she had a ticket on the same bus as ours. That was really cool. Right now she is beginning to study Janggoo so we talked about it for awhile. She is really cool! At about 12:30pm we reached Andong and met some other people in the group, Jennie, Derek (previously mentioned as well), Paul and Brian. All of us went to lunch and had noodles that are famous in Andong. I forgot the name, sorry. During lunch, two more people arrived Molly and Donna Unni!!! Yeah!! I was so excited to see Donna!! I really missed her. When everyone was finished with lunch, we boarded the city bus to Hahoe village. During the bus ride, one more person came that we thought didn't make it, Linda. She happened to get on the same bus headed to Hahoe as us. She has really good timing!!

Shit! I have to teach now! Stay tuned for the rest of the story!

2001-10-10T04:20:00.000-07:00

I had a really good day today. I was in a great mood and felt really positive. I like this feeling. Autumn is really beautiful here! I'm starting to get better ideas about teaching. Also, my Wednesday classes are always good. The students are really fun. I'm feeling more creative. Starting to feel more myself again. It's nice. I felt a lot less anxious today than I have in awhile. I hope I can keep this feeling more of the time.

2001-10-09T01:02:00.000-07:00

Today is really rainy. I like the rain. It makes me feels kind of cozy. I remember I always liked that feeling when I was a child. There are a lot of windows in my school and the scent of the rain kept blowing through the halls. It was really beautiful. The smell of rain is another things I always love. There's nothing like it really. The way it makes me feel is pretty unique.

Today I was thinking that I've kind of lost track of myself. I see all these seperate phases of my live and want to figure out how they tie together to make me who I am. To try to figure out what was good and bad about each part, and then keep and cultivate the good parts. I have time to reflect here. In some ways it feels like a break, a resting period. But I still feel the pressure of this idea of "my future" looming over me. Some of the things I really want seem unrealistic to me. I wonder if that's accurate, or if I just don't have enough faith in myself. I feel like when I move back to the US I have to be an adult. And while I understand that I can make my adulthood into what I choose, I also feel a lot of pressure to do it in a normal way. Sometimes I thing about my childhood and teenage years and even young adulthood and wonder if it was satisfactory. Am I just old now? It feels like the next big life choice I make is going to be the one that counts, the one that shapes the rest of my existence. What if I choose unwisely?

2001-10-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

These days I'm feeling a bit down in Korea. Somedays I really miss people and places in the US. I kind of miss having a place that I feel completely comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I really like Korea. Most of the time is really good. Also there are people here that really watch out for me and take care of me. So I'm lucky, but sometimes it's hard.

This weekend I was sick. Maybe that's why I feel a little down. It's much easier for me to be sick in the US. I know what to get there to make me feel better. Also, my host brother told me that he didn't really want to have another Fulbright live in his house (my host family had one last year too), and that because he was so close to the one they had last year, that he couldn't be close to me. So now I have to think about switching families. I don't really like that feeling, but that's just how it is I guess. I'm just confused because my host mother says I should relax and be comfortable in the host, but the host brother told me he didn't really want me to live there and disses me sometimes. So I have to figure out what's going on. Anyway it feels weird right now at my host family.

Yesterday I went to a pung-mul festival with my sunsangnims. It was really fun, but I missed KYCC like crazy. All these different pung-mul pei were playing, competing against each other. I really missed KYCC and Jamalsori and Ego. When we all play together it's really fun!! I kept day dreaming of us playing at a festival like that. hee hee.

Somedays in Korea I feel pretty weird looking too. I'm pretty chubby and white and my hair is kind of crazy and I dress kind of weird. My host mom told me I should get a straight perm. I don't think I will though. A lot of Koreans dress really nice. It's awesome, but I'm kind of sloppy in comparison. I think I just have to get used to it more.

A lot of my students told me that my classes are really boring at school. So I'm trying to improve my teaching skills, but teaching is really hard. More lesson planning I guess.

2001-10-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

Ha ha, I just got an e-mail from my friend Patrick that said that gam are persimmons. Man I'm such a dork. Anyway, I never ate a persimmon in the U.S. Man they are good!! Good thing I'm in Korea so I can learn all this stuff.

2001-10-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Chusok, and I had a really great time. Chusok is one of the two major holidays celebrated in Korea. It is most similar to Thanksgiving in the US, but it's a lot different from Thanksgiving. From what I gather, on Chusok, Korean families get together and pay respect to their ancestors. People go the their hometowns and/or to their oldest male relative's house. The women in the family prepare tons of food, which is offered to the families ancestors. The family bows to the ancestors spirits (three times, twice to the ground then one low bow), then everyone eats the food. Then later in the day the families goes to the graves of each of their ancestors and offers their spirits food and Soju. They also clean the graves.

Since Chusok is such a big holiday, the past week was filled with preparations. So I go to make a lot of Korean food I always wondered how you made. Especially dduk, Korean rice cakes. Anyway, my pungmul sunsangnims (drumming teachers) invited me to spend Chusok with them in Pilbong (the village where the style I'm studying originated). So Sunday afternoon, Yang Sun-ju Sunsangnim picked me up with his daughter and Yang Jin-sung sunsangnim's two sons. They were giggling hysterically, especially when I spoke to them in really bad Korean. It was pretty funny. When we got to Pilbong, all the women in the family, except the halmoni's (grandmothers), were busy in the kitchen. I offered to help, but they wouldn't let me. So I hung out with the kids and watched TV. After a while, we ate dinner and man was it good!! After dinner all the kids wanted to go to the jun-soo-kwan (pungmul school). Of course I wanted to go too. So , all the kids, Yang Jun-sung sunsangnim and I went to the Jun-soo-kwan, which is about a five minute drive from the village. So I sat and watched sunsangnim make sungmo hats and played computer games with Yang Soon-ju and Yang Jin-sung Sunsangnim's kids. It was pretty fun.

In the morning, we went back to Pilbong. Shortly after we arrived, Yang Jin-Hwan and his family arrived from Seoul. He has two daughters, and they are so pretty. The women prepared the first meal of the day. At this meal the family did Chesa (the offering to the ancestors and bowing to their spirits). Then everyone ate. Oh my god the food was so good!! And there was a lot of it. Everyone ate and then Yang Sun-ju did the dishes. Actually, after each meal, one of the sunsangnims did the dishes. This reminded me of my own family because my dad always does the dishes after Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. After a bit of time, Yang Jin-sung's wife prepared the offerings for the graves. Then the men, children, Yang Jin-sung's wife and I went to the graves of many of the Yang family ancestors. At each of the graves all the Yang's gave offerings and Chesa. Also, as we were hiking around to each grave, we picked gam (a Korean fruit I never saw in the US. It's kind of like a orange tomato but sweet and really really yummy) and pam (chestnuts) and ate them. When we had finished at all of the Yang family graves, we went to the grave of the main Pilbong Sunsangnim's grave. Everyone gave Chesa including myself. It started raining, so eveyone hurried back to the house except Yang Jin-sung and Yang Sun-ju sunsangnims, who stayed to finished cleaning the grave (trimming bushes, cutting grass). Traditional Korean graves are large mounds covered with grass. Sometimes they have a gravestone and sometimes they don't. They are really pretty, and you can see them all over the hills and mountains when you are driving around the countryside.

When we returned to the house we ate again, and relaxed for a while. Neighbors visited and brought gifts. Then a bunch of the kids went to the jun-soo-kwan again. I practiced janggo for a few hours, while the kids played computer games. One of the cousins is a student at an art school studying Pansori, so he praticed. That was cool. When we went back to the house everyone was eating cooked (boiled I think) chestnuts. I had never tried this before. Actually I had never eaten a chestnut before I came to Korea. They are so good!!! I was so stoked. I can't believe I never ate them before. Actually, this reminded me of my family again because we have this tradition of eating pinenuts during the holidays. I'm not sure why I was reminded of it, but for some reasons it seemed similar. We had dinner and then I drove back to Jeonju with Yang Sun-ju and his family. I think my first Chusok ever was really great, and I'm really grateful that the Yang family was so nice too let me spend it with them. I think I'm really really lucky!!

2001-10-01T23:46:00.000-07:00

2001-09-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Whew! Another week. Man, I keep forgetting about the journal. I'm gonna forget stuff I do here I know it.

Anyway, this weekend was awesome. It started with me having Friday off, which was really nice. I called a lot of people in the U.S. and talked to many friends and family members that I miss a lot. It was good to talk to people at KYCC before the performance. I really wish I could have been there. Man, I miss playing with you guys!! I can't wait to see the video! Friday night I went to dinner with the teachers at my school. That was pretty fun. They said that I was the best Fulbright they've ever had (out of seven). That was pretty cool although I'm not sure why they think that. Actually, I don't really care why. I'm just glad they like me. I hope the students do too. I can't tell.

Saturday and Sunday were so good! I went to Seoul and Incheon with the Pilbong-Imshil Pungmul Pei for two performances. Man, they are so fucking amazing. Wow. They totally blew my mind. Saturday they had a performance in Incheon at the Bupyeong Pungmul Festival. So we drove to Incheon most of the day. They're performance was at 5pm. I was planning on watching the performance so I could record it and take pictures, but when we got there all the halabojis and Yang Jin-Sung Sunsangnim wanted me to hold the Ki (banner). I didn't have a minbuk or anything, so everyone gave me spare stuff they had to wear. I have to say that although I felt really out of place even holding the Ki for them, I was so fucking stoked to perform with them. Fuck they are so good!!! Yang Jin-Hwan Sunsangnim did soljanggoo (wow wow wow!!!!!) and E Jeong Yoo Sunsangnim performed a Sojo solo. Also, the Sungmo Sunsangnim performed a solo. Also, Yang Sun-ju Sunsangnim played Taepungso. The ho-ho gut was my favorite!! KYCC - man, I wish you could see them do the ho-ho gut!! Yang Jin-Sung Sunsangnim is the best!

After the performance, we went to the hotel we were staying at and ate dinner. Then everyone sat around talking and drinking for most of the night. Mostly I talked with one of the buk players because he is an English teacher in Seoul. So we were talking about teaching for awhile. Also, I talked with the two Jun-soo-kwan sunsangnims that I met before, Choi In-ho and Han Jae-hoon. They were really cool to me. There was one janggoo player that was a woman, O Mi-ae unni! She is the bomb! She lives in Kwangoo, and she invited me to visit her. There was also a Sungmo dancer that was a woman. Her name is Ji-young, and all the Sunsangnims picked on her because she is only 21. She was like the little sister. Everyone was really cool.

In the morning we had breakfast and then a lot of people left to visit friends in Seoul. Everyone that was left went to a mok-yok dang in Incheon. I was the only woman, so I went by myself. That was pretty funny and weird. Of course I was the only whitey there, so a lot of people were checking me out. Hee hee. I think the Pilbong pei thought it was kind of funny that I wanted to go. Mok-yok dangs are really awesome though. I wish they had them in the U.S.! So after we were clean we drove back to Seoul for the performance at the Madang-Nori (famous traditional music performance space in Seoul). I wasn't expecting to perform this time because it was much more formal than Saturday's performance (I mean it's the Mandang-nori right), but Yang Sunsangnim said I should hold the Ki again. Of course I was fucking stoked, but I think some of the other players questioned his judgement about it, espcially E Sunsangnim. Luckily I didn't drop the Ki or anything. Away this performance was just as great as Saturday's except shorter because they had a time limit. Man, they are so awesome. It was so cool to see them perform in person twice in the same weekend. We drove back to Jeonju after the performance, and Choi Sunsangnim and Han Sunsangnim said I could come study at the jun-soo kwan on the weekends if they are around. Also, Yang Sun-ju sunsangnim watches out for me a lot now. He always buys me coffee and juice and tonight he bought me dinner after class. He is awesome. I love Pilbong!!

2001-09-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

IN

Jason Shiga
autumn leaves in Korea
Shim Kyoo-nam Oppa putting some of the above on my desk
Choi Sun-hee
KYCC
green tea in the morning
janggoo
dancing water insects
my host mom
my real mom
Dave Eggers
Korean high school students
water
the pillow my parents sent me
bad Korean coffee

OUT

terrorists
zits
mosquito bites
not sleeping
not speaking Korean
George W. Bush
bad Korean coffee

2001-09-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

Whew! Another week without writing! I suck!!

This week was weird weird weird! I think I'm kind of down in general except for today. First, I really can't teach well, and I'm not sure what happened to my creativity. Maybe I left it in San Francisco. 5 of my 12 classes told me they were really bored in class this week. It's pretty discouraging. Second, the World Trade Center was leveled by a terrorist attack, and my country is lauching a war. Obviously both those things are gonna make me feel shitty, especially being detact from the whole thing across the world in Korea. I feel a bit spacey, confused and out of touch. Third, my pung-mul class has been reduced to 3 days instead of 5 days a week at the request of my host family, and one of the days was cancelled this week for a performance. Somedays I feel like I'm not really learning as much as I want to be. Fourth, I was sick the last four days. Fifth, I reading a book about a guy who's parents (both of them within a year of each other) die of cancer, and he, 23 years old or so, has to raise his 7 year old brother. Sometimes it's kind of depressing and weird, but sometimes it's really inspiring. It makes me feel confused and almost too introspective. Sixth, I can't speak Korean for shit. Which sometimes isn't a problem, but I feel like such an asshole making people use the English they know to make me understand. I'm in Korea, I should be making the effort. Seventh, I feel lonely a lot these days.

Anyway, on a brighter note --- Today was really cool. I went hiking the whole day with a really cool teacher from my school and his girlfriend, who is the bomb!! Hiking is really good because it reminds me of how beautiful the world really is, and how infrequently I stop to appreciate it. I wish I could show you the things I saw today. Really neat. I would try to be artsy and poetically renumerate them for you, but I'm too tired and I still have to plan a not boring lesson for tomorrow.

In closing, I'd like to say that in future entries I will make a galant effort to be a more positive person!!

2001-09-10T06:51:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty good. I taught four classes, and tutored two students. One of them is named Jin-su, and he is my favorite student so far. I really enjoy talking with him. He is a really neat person. Also today I had janggoo class for two hours. That was good. It was a pretty normal day.

2001-09-09T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Jeonju now. Last night and today was really fun. Man, I love Derek. He's great. Last night we went to Hyehwa park at 3am and ate sandwiches. There were a lot of students hanging out and drinking. It was pretty fun just sitting outside at night in the park. Today we slept in late again. I love that.

Today the sunset was so brilliant. It often is here, but today it had been raining. Actually it was still lightly sprinkling. And the sky was filled with those big billowing storm clouds. There were only a few slits between the clouds where you could actually see the sun. The sun was a really bright burning orange, but all the clouds diffused the light, so when it hit things it was soft deep peach color. Everything was wet so the light reflected off it really well. So when I looked out across the fields I could see the bright green of the rice, the darker green of the trees, the diffused peach light reflecting off the water, the varing shades grey and blue clouds, and bright orange slits of direct sunlight. Sometimes the world is just too beautiful to take. I mean, my chest was hurting because it was so amazing! I wish everyone could see it. Then again, I wonder if everyone would appreciate it. Maybe. Maybe not. But I hope so!

2001-09-08T10:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, I didn't write for a week. That sucks! I have to be better about it from now on.

The past week has been pretty interesting. I'll try to recap the major events and feelings. Right now I'm hangin out in Seoul with Derek, and man does it feel good. I really miss having friends nearby. It has been a great relief to see him, and to talk with him. It feels nice to talk with someone I relate to well. It's difficult when you first move somewhere and you have to build all new relationships with people. It's kind of draining and a bit lonely at times. So being with Derek has really renewed my energy! Plus Seoul is fun. I like the feel of the city a lot.

This week has been really good for Pung-mul! I finally got my directions straight with Yang (Jin Hwan) Sunsangnim, and met with him on Monday. It felt really good to practice with him. We meet again of Thursday and he introduced me to his uncle, who teaches Pung-mul classes at the Jeonju Center for Traditional Music . So I took four hours of class with him. Normally I will be going for two hours three times a week to his class and the one time a week with Yang (Jin Hwan) Sunsangnim for Soljanggoo. I'm really excited about regualr practice. It's going to be great!!

School is going pretty well. I'm trying to figure about better ways to teach! Being a teacher is very difficult, and to be good at it is even more so. But I really like my school. The students are really cool. I hope they start feeling more confortable with me, so I can talk to them more. The teachers are really cool too. They really make a big effort to help me.

My Korean is progressing very slowly. I try to study for at least one hour per day, and practice the things I know as much as possible. But I am very impatient with myself, and feel down that I can't understand more of what is going on.

My host family and I seem to still have pretty weird interaction. It always takes awhile to get used to living with people, and the fact that I can't really speak Korean doesn't help. I hope that time will cure the awkward feelings we have, but I'm trying to think of things I can do to help us become closer more quickly. They had another English teacher living with them last year that they really loved, so I'm frequently compared with her. It makes me feel a little uneasy, like I need to prove that I'm as good as her. It's a little frustrating. Still my family is really cool. My host mother helps me do everything. I think it must be hard for them to adjust to living with me too. I'm much different than the last Fulbright that lived with them, so it will just take time for us to adjust to each other. Anyway, I'm probably worrying about it too much.

Right now my feelings are more on the down side. I get frustrated and bummed a lot. In general, I'm very hard on myself. So, I feel really bad when I don't understand things or relate to people or do things wrong. I really take it to heart. This is actually one of the things I'm trying to remedy. I want to learn to give myself more space. I just hope living here doesn't have the reverse effect, and make me more self-concious than I already am. I think the trip to Seoul has been really good. Seeing Derek and talking things over with him has really help me to see things in a good light. Also, I got an e-mail from my friend Jong-suk this week that was really encouraging. I feel so lucky that there are so many people out there watching out for me! Another cool thing is that I got a bunch of pictures from my roommate Blair in SF. He is alway so positive, so the pictures really inspired me to think of everything in a more positive light, and to have more positive energy.

2001-09-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

hmmm... what to say about the last two days? I think a bit of depression is starting to hit me. I wish I had some friends in Jeonju. I only hang out with adjashis (older men) and high school boys. I think these are the days that the loneliness will kick in, especially because I don't understand almost everything the adjashis or high school boys say. I knew it would be like this, but knowing is not really the same as feeling and experiencing things. It's kind of hard sometimes.

Yesterday, I missed meeting my pung-mul teacher for the second time in a row. I was so confused. We set a meeting time both times and I thought he said that he would call me when he arrived at my school then I would meet him at the front gate. Later I found out I was just supposed to meet him at the front gate. I was so excited to meet him, and when he didn't call I felt so dissed. But actually he was there to pick me up. So to him, I didn't show up. So he probably felt dissed, and wondered why I didn't show up. That was a really stupid mistake for me to make. I feel like a such a dumbass. It's small stuff like this that really gets me down!! It's amazing how many small and big things I took for granted on a daily basis in the U.S. Like understanding one phrase can make a huge difference. It's really difficult for me to take it easy and not get frustrated with myself. I really hate feeling stupid, and it's a daily, sometimes hourly, occurance here. I think this is one really good reason for me to be here. To make myself deal with situations like this. I think it will help build my confidence. But mentally understanding this doesn't really help me get rid of this feeling of being totally lost.

2001-08-30T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!! My students are so cute!! I think I already love them!! Hee hee!! School is getting more and more fun I think.

One thing that is kind of weird is disciplining students. I had to take away two school books, math homework, a comic book and a CD player so far in class!! So normal punishment in Korea schools is getting hit by the teacher with a stick. I could never do that!! So instead when the students came to the teacher's room to get their stuff, I made them do push ups and jumping jacks. It was really weird!! But it was kind of funny. I hope they weren't mad at me!!

Yesterday was my worst day in Korea so far. It was the first day I thought I had made a mistake in coming here. Sometimes it's really hard to be so confused all the time, and make a lot of mistakes. Especially when I care about things here a lot. There are a lot of things to adjust to here, and sometimes I just don't get it. So I worry about offending people a lot. I'm not that good at reading what people think of me here. So it's really dificult to figure out how to interact with people, and if they are going to be mad at me. Anyway, yesterday was one of those time that I really wanted to understand, but I didn't get anything. It was just to frustrating for me!! I'm glad today was really good. It kind of balanced things out!!

2001-08-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

"nothing could prepare me for the moment of truth - when you have 45 kids looking up at you waiting to see if you're a waste of time or not."

This is a quote from one of my fellow fulbrights that pretty much sums up my day. It was my first day teaching, and I felt pretty nervous. I'm not sure how I did actually. A few students feel asleep in my class, so maybe my lesson was kind of boring. Teaching is really difficult. I'm sure I'll get better at it, but right now it's pretty hard. Still, it's pretty fun!! The students are really shy and funny! They say hi to me and then blush and start giggling. hee hee!! It cracks me up. Anyway, I hope they start talking with me more one on one!! I'm better at that than teaching I think.

2001-08-26T06:20:00.000-07:00

Today was the best day I had in Korea so far!! It was so fucking great!! Yang Sunsangnim (Pilbong Pung-mul teacher) picked my up at 8 am so we could go to Namwon. The drive there is so beautiful. You drive though the mountains the whole way. On the way to Namwon we passed by Pilbong and stopped to see the sight where the new Pilbong Jun-su-gwan (drumming school) is being constructed. It is going to be really neat. When we reached Namwon, we went to the Jun-su-gwan there. It was the last day of jun-su (class) so I practiced with everyone for a bit. Then, the teachers picked about 9 different sungsae (small gong players that lead the group) to perform with their groups in a competition. It was so cool to see everyone show off what they had learned over the week of being there. The competition was narrowed down to three people, and they each had to perform a sojo (hand drum) solo dance, answer two questions and then lead the techers in playing jangoo. From what I gathered, the two questions might have been "What does Pung-mul mean to you?" and "Why was it beneficial for your pung-mul pei to study Pilbong?". I couldn't say for sure because I didn't understand anything they were saying. Anyway, they picked the winner, and then handed out awards for the week.

Then, two of the Jun-su teahcers, Yang Sunsangnim, and I went into Namwon for lunch. I had kong-guk-su (bean noodle soup), I think Jolla-do is famous for this dish, and man was it good!! After lunch, the four of us went to meet with a group of people that were organizing a performance that the Pilbong Pei will play in this weekend. From what I gathered (I didn't understand anything people were saying here either), there were four different pungmul pei's there and each one had players performing together in the gut (uhh.. hard to translate but Pung-mul performance I guess). There was a big discussion about which groups should contribute which players, then finally Yang sunsangnim chose the players he wanted from the suggestions that had been discussed. I guess he had the final say because then eveyone drank makoli (rice wine) and ate snacks. The adjamas and adjashis didn't seem to mind I was there and made me drink two cups of makoli. Not that I minded. Hee hee. I think they were stoked that I like Pung-mul. After makoli, of course, everyone that is playing this weekend practiced together. That was cool to watch!! I was excited that Yang sunsangnim took me with them. It was interesting to see how stuff like this is negotiated. Afterwards, we dropped off the teachers at the jun-su-kwan, and headed back to Pilbong.

When we reached Pilbong, we stopped at the jun-su construction site again and talked with the people there. I think the Jun-su-gwan will be finished in December. It is set in the side of mountain (hill, whatever you want to call it but it's really beautiful and green and lush), and is just across the small valley from Pilbong. When we got there the sun was just setting and the moon was already in the sky. The sky was this really pretty color of blue, and the contrast with the green was really pretty. Plus there was a cool breeze blowing, so it was really nice to be there. When Yang sunsangnim was finished talking with the adjashis, we went to his house in Pilbong village. He gave me a tour of his crops (he is a farmer as well as a traditional music master), and thaught me the name of each one in Korean. Then we went back to his house and his mom cooked us dinner. While we were resting before dinner, sunsangnim's brother, Yang Jin-hwa, came home. So I got to meet him tonight too. He is also a traditional musician and teacher. And he is just as awesome as his brother. What a fucking cool family!! I might have forgotten to mention, for those that don't know, Yang sunsangnim's father was designated a National Treasure by the Korean government because of his mastery of Pung-mul. Anyway, after we ate, Yang (Jin-sung) sungsannim brought me back to Jeonju. Practically the whole way home he sang me minyo and pansori songs. I tried to sing him a song too, but I suck at singing. For those of you who are wondering, it wasn't Jingle Bells. Sunsangnim is a really amazing singer!! I almost cry a few times because it was really beautiful!

Anyway, it was a great day, and I really still can't believe this stuff that happened to me today. I mean, how fucking lucky can I be? Pung-mul kicks ass!! And I'm lucky there are people watching out for me all over the globe so that I can study it. So mads props and love to all my home-kids in Oaktown and Korea!! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here!!

2001-08-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty mellow. It felt nice. I woke up this morning to a call from Cha Sunsangnim. One of the Chinese language teachers had to go to the hospital, so we went to visit him. He was really cool. He is the kind of person who you automatically know is good. I love people like that. Anyway, I hope he gets better quickly. I think he gets out tomorrow. After that I came back home and took a nap!! Yeah!! Then I cleaned my room, and organized all my stuff. Then I got a call from Keeyoung Unni!!Then I talked with my parents on the phone. That was really nice. Man, I really miss them sometimes. Also, they tell me a lot of stories about my cat. I miss her a lot too. After that I talked with my friend Devin. That was a realy good conversation. We talked for about three hours. Actually, he was telling a lot of stories, so I didn't talk that much. It was cool. His stories are good. It's funny to hear how your friends brains work. Talking with Blair is like that too. Haa haaa haaa. Man, that shit is so good. I really miss Blair's brain!! Bridget - you'll never believe me, but it so true. When you're not around Blair you miss his brain!! Hee hee!!

Keeyoung Unni called me today too!! Man I really miss her. She is so cool!! It was so good to hear her voice. It's weird to think that right now we are living in each other's home countries. Pretty cool!

I'm beat. I must sleep!!

2001-08-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

Today was fun. My co-teacher, Cha Sunsangnim, took me to the Jeonju National Museum. It is an archeology museum of artifacts found in Jeollabukdo since the Paleolithic Era. It was really interesting. My favorite was the celedon pottery from the Koryo dynasty. It is so beautiful!!! Very simple elegant design. Korea is very famous for this style of pottery. Rightly so! It is some of the most beautiful art work I've ever seen. I was really impressed. After the museum, Cha Sunsangnim took me to eat lunch. Then we went to Sangsan (my school), and Cha Sunsangnim helped me call my pungmul teacher, Yang Sunsangnim.

YEAH!!!!!!

Finally, the moment I've been waiting for last two months I've been in Korea. Man, I was so excited!! Yang Sunsangnim told us to meet him at four, so we met at a coffe shop. I was so excite to see him. He is so cool. I think he was glad to meet me, but it felt weird because we couldn't really talk to each other. Cha Sunsangnim helped translate for us, but it's not really the same. U better learn Korean quick. Still the feeling was so good, and I was so happy to meet him. He basically told me that now that I live in Jeonju, I'm part of the Pilbong family. It was so cool. Then, he took me and Cha Sunsangnim out for dinner, and gave me a ride back to apartment. That was really nice. I think I will meet him again on Sunday. I hope so!

After I came home I talked with Derek on the phone for a long while. Man, I'm stoked he's back in Korea. I missed him. Hopefully, he will come to Jeonju next weekend. That would be cool. We'll see I guess. I also talked with a bunch of Fulbright friends Gina, Molly, Mimi and Brian. It was good to hear from them. Then Sangnae came home and we hung out for a little. It was pretty fun.

2001-08-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Whoa! The past few days have been pretty crazy. I made it to Jeonju safely, but first I should talk about my last two days in Seoul.

Monday, all the fulbrights had a tour to the DMZ/JSA. It was so so weird. North and South Korea have been split and at war for the last fifty years, and they give tours of the cease fire zone. It's just seems so weird. A US army officer conducted our tour, and of course was giving us the standard line of propoganda about all the proganda of North Korea. It's was pretty cheezy. Also, at this one point he posted a Korean guard so that the tourist could stand by him and take picture while he stood at attention. It was pretty lame. The whole thing was really interesting, but really lame at the same time.

After the tour we went back to Seoul and had a picnic at Yonsei University, one of the top three Universities in South Korea. This was the last time all the ETA's hung out together before moving to our host stays. I think everyone felt sad and nervous. I left a little early to meet Sunmin and Kyoung-in.

Yeah!! Seeing Sunmin was so cool!! And Kyoung-in and Nam-hoon!! We ate and talked and laughed and drank soju and coffee! Hee hee! It was great! I like hanging out with those guys a lot. We called Dohee from the cafe. It was so nice to talk to her. It really made me miss Oakland and KYCC for a bit. But I was having fun in Seoul, so it wasn't so bad.

Tuesday was pretty crazy. All the fulbrights and all the school administrators came to Yonsei to meet. I think all of us were pretty nervous. Each group met seperately in the morning, during which time I join the ranks of cell phone owners around the world. I think people at KYCC, especially Ann-unni, will be proud this outstainding accomplishment. hee hee. Anyway, finally all the fulbrights filed into the room where the school administrators were and we met. Then everyone went to lunch. My first impression of my co-teacher and my prinipal was really good, and theat feeling hasn't changed. Lunch was good. The three of us talked. After lunch we collected all of our stuff and drove to Jeonju. The drive was pretty weird. I kept trying to think of questions to ask, but I was kind of tired from staying up so late the night before and drinking to much soju. So then I spent my energy trying to stay awake. It was pretty hard. When we got to Jeonju we had the famous Jeonju Bibimpap. It was really yummy!! After dinner, I came to meet my host family. It was pretty weird. They seem pretty cool so far. Actually, only two of them live her. The host family lives and works in Daegun, so I won't be seeing much of him this year. And the older brother in fulfilling his mandatory military service, so I won't see much of him either. So it's just the mother and Sangnae, my host brother. He is a senior at the high school I will be teaching at, Sungsan Boys High School. My students will be all high school boys if I didn't mention this before. I think I might get a little crazy. Last night Sangnae and I watched a movie called Pay It Forward or something like that. Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt. Pretty cool.

Today was pretty busy. My host mom had to go out of town to visit Sangnae's older brother in the hospital. So she left at about 8 am. At ten, my co-teacher, Cha Sunsangnim, picked me up to go to the graduation ceremony at Chonbuk University. The founder of Sungsan was receiveing an honorarium, so we went to watch. It was kind of boring, but I got to meet a lot of the other teachers at my school. Then there was a lunch banquet for the founder. I met a lot more people there including the governor of Chollabukdo, the province I live in. That was pretty stange, and I think I just lucked out that I happened to come on the day the ceremony was being held. My co-teacher was pretty stoked about it though. He said it was honor, so I believed him. Still it was more exciting for me to meet the teachers at the school. After the banquet, we went to Sungsan, and I got a tour of the school. It is pretty big. Six main buildings plus a dormitory, and extensive school grounds. All the teachers and staff were really cool to me, and I have a good feeling about the school.

When I got home, Sangnae and I went out for mandu for dinner and then went and saw a Korean movie called Yupgi-jukin-sunyuh or something about like that. It was awesome!! I could follow it pretty well even though I didn't understand most of the dialog. Weird how that works.

So anyway, things seem to be developing pretty well. Tomorrow I will try to call the Pilbong Sunsangnims. Hopefully my co-eacher will help me. Wish me luck!!

2001-08-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

Today was really great. My friend Mimi's Aunt and Uncle decided to treat a small group of her friends to a concert at The National Center for Korean Traditional Performing Arts. I was so excited to finally go there!! The performance was a introduction to traditional music for kids. It was pretty cool. The performance line up was a Court music piece, a Haegum solo, three minyo, buchae chum (fan dance), Samul Nori, audience participation (learning the song Na-yung Na-yung), then an orchestra piece. It was pretty cool. The third minyo was really cool, and of course I loved the Samul-nori. The players were so good!!! Man!! Also, I'd never seen the fan dance before. It was pretty neat, but definately not my favorite Korean dance. Overall, I had a really good time and was really glad for the chance to go to the performance. Afterwards, we all ate at a Soon Doo-boo (soft tofu) house down the street a ways from the Performance Center. They are famous for making their own tofu there. It was so delicious!! I was so excited!! It was an awesome day!! I think a little later I will go shopping at dondaemun with my roommate. Should be fun!!

2001-08-18T04:53:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm in Seoul. The last few days have been pretty good. Thursday we spend the day at Yang Yang beach. It was really nice. I went swimming in the East sea with a lot of jellyfish. Luckily they weren't the stinging kind, so it was pretty fun. I think jellyfish are really beautiful. Hanging out with the other fulbrights on the beach was cool too. It was nice to relax for a while. I played frisbee. Then later that night I taught some of my friends how to play a card game called Chicago Rummy. It's very famous in my family. I've been playing it since I was about 8 years old. It was great.

Friday we drove to Soraksan. WOW!!! It totally blew my mind!! Soraksan is the largest national park in Korea, and man is it beautiful!! My friend Mimi and I hiked to one of the many waterfalls and just relaxed for about two hours. Spending time in the montains is always nice for me, and Sorakson was so neat. I had a really good time. I really want to go there and spend more time. After Soraksan, we went to the public bath house at some nearby hot springs. Yes yes yes!!! This is one of the greatest things I've done here. It was so refreshing. I love the public bath! Hojung-unni, you were totally right!! I can't wait to find a bath house in Jeonju.

Today we drove to Seoul. I just went to Kyobo bookstore and ate. I'm starting to feel very nervous about moving to my host family on Tuesday. My Korean is so poor!! It's really frustrating. I guess these things just take time!

2001-08-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day in Chuncheon. It feels kind of strange to be leaving. I think everyone on the program feels a little nervous to move to his or her placements and begin teaching. I feel nervous! I think I will have a good time, but I sure it will be hard to adjust at first. I really hope my host family and students and co-teachers like me. I’m sure I will do fine, but the anticipation of it is frustrating.

Tomorrow we are going to the beach. I’m really excited to see the ocean again. I think that the beach is called Yang-yang. I hear it’s pretty fun! I want to swim in the ocean. I wonder if the water is really cold there. Anyway I’m excited.

2001-08-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

Wow! I need to stop missing so many days in a row. It takes me a long time to write what happens if I have to write about many days in a row.

But anyway, this weekend was really fun. Saturday morning I got up and went to Seoul to meet Grace. I also wanted to hang out with my friend Kyoung-in, so we all met at Cheongnyangni station. We ate lunch and then went to see E-sunsangnim in his studio in Seoul. Grace wanted to buy a ching from him. The visit was pretty good. I don’t think he remembered me, but he gave me all the numbers for the Pilbong contacts with his card. After a bit he started talking with Kyoung-in. He was kind of flipping Kyoung-in shit about only studying Samul-nori and not Pung-mul. It seemed like Kyoung-in felt kind of weird, so I felt bad for dragging him a long to see sunsangnim.

After that, we went to Hyehwa to hang out with Kyoung-in’s friends that were playing in the park there. It was about 20 steps from Derek’s new apartment, so I felt kind of bad he wasn’t around to check it out. Too bad D! You would’ve been stoked! Anyway, Kyoung-in’s friends were really nice. Hyeona was there, and one other Youngin person, E Jae Hwa. The other people were friends that were in the group. We hung out there for a few hours. It was really fun watching them play. Man, they really kick ass!! They looked like they were having a lot of fun too!

After Hyehwa, we went to Insadong for a bit. It was evening by then, so a lot of the shops were closed. Also, it was weird because the shopkeepers kept greeting me but not Grace or Kyoung-in. Pretty Lame!! Maybe they are used to white tourist spending a lot of money there or something, but that made me feel really lame. Anyway we didn’t stay there that long.

It was one of Kyoung-in’s friends’ birthday, so we met up with them again at a restaurant for dinner. It felt kind of awkward at first. But after a while, I think everyone felt more at ease. Dinner was really good. At this point, I was supposed to go back to Chuncheon, but Kyoung-in invited me to stay at his house. I wanted to hang out longer, so I said yes, but I found out later that maybe that kind of thing is a bit scandalous. But at this point I thought it was ok. So after dinner, Grace had to go home, and the rest of us went out to drink mechu. That was really fun. Everyone in Kyoung-in’s group was really nice to me. Even though I couldn’t speak that much Korean, we still communicated ok. I think our interactions were really good, and it was good to spend time with them. It was a nice feeling.

Eventually Kyoung-in and I went back to his house, but I don’t think he told his parents that he was bringing a guest home, and it didn’t seem like they were too excited about it. I couldn’t really tell because I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Anyway, it was probably kind of weird for them, and I felt kind of weird, so the whole thing was kind of awkward. Their apartment was really nice though. And they were really good to me. It was cool for me to see what my friend’s house was like. Also, I always like meeting my friends’ parents, even when it’s weird. It’s cool to try to notice how my friends relate to their parents. It was a bit harder for me with Kyoung-in and his parents though because I couldn’t understand anything. One really cool thing about Kyoung-in’s house is that the room I stayed in, which I think is Kyoung-in’s room, had glow in the dark star wallpaper on all the walls and the ceiling. So when I turned the lights out all I saw was stars. It was awesome!!

In the morning, I woke up before Kyoung-in, which made for more awkward moments. Just imagine me and Kyoung-in’s dad chilling and watching TV while Kyoung-in’s mom cooked breakfast. And the whole time I couldn’t really say anything to them. Man, I felt like such a dork! Kyoung-in’s dad was speaking some English with me though, by which I was really impressed. I offered to help with breakfast, but Kyoung-in’s mom said no. I was kind of glad because I have no idea how to made any Korean food and probably would have messed it up. Needless to say I was pretty stoked when Kyoung-in woke up, but I couldn’t really talk to him either. The whole think was kind of funny. I kept wondering if this is how my host family will feel. I’m sure it will be pretty awkward at first.

Anyway, we left after breakfast and went to Youngin University. It was cool to see it since so many people visited KYCC from there. When we got there, we met Namhoon and Sungyong to go to Chuncheon. Man, it was cool to see them! All of those guys were so nice to me all day! Despite the language barrier, we had a pretty fun time. Oh, one funny thing was that Sungyong accidentally brought the keys to the music building at Young-in with us in the car. We got half way to Chuncheon, and then had to go back to give the keys to someone. I think he felt really bad, but I didn’t really mind because driving in Korea is really beautiful. We stopped along the way and had udon, and then Namhoon left to take the train back to Seoul. I wasn’t quite sure why, but I think he had a fight with his girlfriend or something. Anyway, Kyoung-in, Sungyong and I drove the rest of the way and went to Soyang Dam before we went to Chuncheon. That was nice. We ate bbondaegi, which is fried butterfly pupa, and this seafood snack that come in the shell and then you suck the animal out of it, which I can’t remember the name of. I didn’t really like the bbondaegi, but the other stuff was pretty cool. Also, it was fun suck the stuff out of the shells. The sound is really cool. Ssllllssssssssssssssssss! (sucking sound)

When we got to Chuncheon we had Takkalbi. Yum!! Then they drove me to the dorm and left to go back to Seoul. I had a really fun time hanging out with them, but I wonder if they were kind of bored because I couldn’t talk to them that well. I think it was ok though. They asked me call them again when I’m in Seoul, anyway.

After such a cool weekend, I was really tired so I slept though my class this morning. I felt kind of silly, but I was really grateful for the sleep. Today was a weird day for me though. I was thinking a lot about the weekend and Kyoung-in’s parents and not being able to speak Korean and talking with E-sunsangnim and moving to my host family and starting school and calling the Pilbong teachers in Jeonju. I got kind of depressed. I think today was the first day I truly realized how many mistakes I’m going to make, and how important making a good impression is. Maybe I’ll only have that chance once with people, and if I mess up, that’s it. I think deep down I’m really afraid of making mistakes, and really worried about what people think of me. I wish it didn’t matter so much to me, but it does. Especially now. One of my goals in life right now is to become more self-confident, but I can feel myself getting more self-conscious. It’s kind of frustrating and depressing.

Tonight I hung out with Zzazang for the last time, which made me feel a lot better. I have fun with him. His friend Oongi, he and I all went out for Soju. It was really fun, and I was practicing a lot of Korean. Also, we ate really really good kimchi tofu. Man it was sooooo good. I felt really relaxed around them and wasn’t as afraid, which was a really nice feeling. I think I will miss that!

2001-08-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

Today I found out where I will be living and teaching for the next year.

Jeonju!!

Yeah!! I’m so excited. This means I’ll get to study Pilbong all year! Cool!! I will be teaching at Sangsan High School. It’s an all boys’ high school. That should be pretty interesting. I feel excited to get there, but also very nervous. I hope my students and host family like me. It will be nice to get there soon so that I can start adjusting to my new life. It will be fun!!

Last night I was thinking a lot about the kind of person I am and that I want to be. Here are a few excepts of an e-mail to my friend Devin about this:

…I feel really strange today. Kind of melancholy... I wish I could see my friends and family truly happy more. It seems like everyone is dealing with really serious stuff these days. It makes me really sad. Maybe that's just how life is. Sometimes I feel more free and happy, but a lot of times it's just serious and difficult and I always seem to feel like I'm not achieving things. It's frustrating…

Then I was talking about sharing difficult things and emotions with people:

…I guess I have the same feeling as you, not wanting to have to rely on people. It is a lie though. Most the time I wish that for once I could just let go, completely trust someone and need them and want to need them during whatever thing I was feeling. Just the assurance that they would be there no matter what. That I could really trust that and count on it. I don't think I've ever completely felt that with anyone. I wouldn't let myself. Not even when I was a Kid. It’s kind of sad. I often wonder why I'm like this. How did I get so closed? I don't really like being like that. It's very lonely sometimes…

I think this is one thing I really need to work on as a person. I have very amazing friends and a great family that all care about me immensely. I know from experience that they would support and love me in any situation, and they have given me and continue to give me every reason to trust them. So I think it is me that I needs to trust myself and support myself and love myself. This is the hard part for me.

2001-08-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

The last few days were really great despite having to survive on 4 hours of sleep a night. Tuesday Derek and my friend Grace, who is visiting her family in Seoul, came to visit me in Chuncheon. It was so fun to see them here. I hadn’t seen Grace for about a year, so I was really excited. She is so awesome!! They got here around 4:30, and we hung out for a while. Then we met my language partner, Jung Hyoun (aka Zzazang), and went out for Talgalbi. It was so yummy!! I especially like it at the end when you finish most of the chicken and they bring rice and fry it with whatever is left. It tastes so good! The man that was frying ours formed the rice into a heart sculpture. It was cool!

After dinner we played pool. Man, that was really fun! I think all of us were kind of bad at it, so it made the playing really even. Plus we were joking around a lot making a lot of wise cracks, which is always great. Then after pool we did DDR. Ha ha ha ha. DDR is so funny. It’s a dance video game where you have to hit arrows on this pad at the indicated time on the screen. Korean kids love it. They practice a lot so when they go out with friends they can impress each other. I wasn’t so good at it. It’s kind of hard, and I’m uncoordinated. But that is the fun of it!

After DDR, Jung Hyoun had to leave, so Grace, Derek and I went back to the dorms. Grace was feeling pretty tired from jet lag and full day of activity, so she went to sleep. So Derek and I just hung out and talked. We took a walk to get a snack. It was around 2:30am, so there weren’t that many people out. It was really peaceful and nice. I love taking walks like that. And it was really nice to walk with Derek. He’s great. We got back around 3:30, and I went to sleep.

Wednesday I had class until 3:30pm with a break for lunch. So Derek, Grace and I met for lunch, and then after I finished class at 3:30, we went to Seoul to hang out. It was fun. I saw Derek’s new apartment. It’s cool! Then we went for dukbuki in Myeong-dong at this place called Cocina. They stuff the dukbuki pieces with fillings like cheese and seafood. It was really really yummy. Then we got ice cream and looked at shops. Unfortunately, I had to leave to catch the last train back to Chuncheon at 10:30, so I didn’t have a lot of time to hang out. The train ride back was nice though. I studied a little and slept a little.

Another cool thing is that I finally called my friend Kyoung-in who lives in Seoul. It was awesome to talk to him, but I couldn’t say much because my Korean is so bad. Luckily, Grace and Derek were there so they talked with him a bit too. Hopefully, I will hang out with him on the weekend, but I’m not sure because when we called he was heading to the hospital for surgery. I didn’t understand what he was having surgery for.

Today was ok. I feel pretty tired. I took a nap for a bit. Also today I did practice teaching. I think I did a good job, and I had fun. So I don’t feel as nervous about teaching now. Tomorrow we will probably find out where we will be placed. I’m pretty nervous about that. After getting an e-mail from my friend Donna about the Pilbong (drumming style) teachers, I really hope I get Jeonju!! That would be awesome!! I hope I can post my placement tomorrow!! Until then, Annyong!!

2001-08-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

Another late night for me! It's 2am here and I just finished my Korean homework. I'm pretty tired. Orientation is slowly winding down, and people are starting to feel nervous about moving to their host towns, myself included.

Tae Kwon Do was so fun today!! We practiced our first form and a lot of kick and punch combinations. At one point I was doing a high kick and fell face first on the floor because I kicked so hard. It was pretty embarrassing, but kind of funny too. Hee hee. Still I felt really energized after class. That was a nice feeling.

Later a bunch of us went out for my friend Brian’s b-day and had bulgogi. Yumm!!

I had a nice walk with one of the Korean teachers for my program. He is a really nice person. He says the best stuff too. For example, “sometimes my tongue betrays my mind.” There are other good quotes, but I can’t think of them right now.

Too tired! – Must Sleep!

2001-08-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

This morning I slept in again. It feels really good to sleep! I’m getting nervous and frustrated about going to my host town. I think in general I’m feeling good about being in Korea, just nervous about where I will be, and what I will be able to learn from that place. Also, what I have to offer that place, and what the people will think of me there.

Today I went to Jung-do, and island in the middle of the big lake in Chuncheon. It was nice and very relaxing. We went swimming, which was really fun. I hadn’t been in a while. Then tonight I saw Planets of the Apes. Not really sure what I think of it.

Now I have to finish all my homework and it’s already 12:30am. Procrastination sucks!!

2001-08-04T10:38:00.000-07:00

Oh no!! I keep getting so behind in writing in my journal! Very bad!! Let's see what I can remember to write about.

Thursday was pretty boring. I just went to class, ate, studied and went to sleep early. Very normal day.

Friday!! Very fun! The good part started after class when my friend Kelly and I went to the campus bookstore to buy a dictionary. I found a good one. Then we where eating popsicles walking back to the dorms, and we heard people playing jangoo and swe. At first I was just going to pass it by, but I really felt like playing. So we decided to go check it out. There were about four people playing jangoo. One was teaching the others Soljangoo. So I asked if I could try, and I played the part they were practicing. I think they were really surprised. Ha ha! I would be surprised too if I was them. Then they asked if I could play all these other rhythms, so we played for awhile. It was so fun and it felt so good to finally play with people!! Hooray!! The group is the Samul-nori pei for the Natural Sciences College. After we played, we just talked for awhile, which was actually kind of difficult because Kelly and I can't speak Korean. But me managed with the help of a dictionary. They invited us to join them for dinner on Saturday, which we did. More about that in a minute.

So after that I had plans to meet with my two friends from the English club on campus. But only one of them could make it, Zzazang. Zzazang is hot!! So I think I was pretty lucky. Hee hee. Actually, he's a kid compared to me, but he's a super cool guy. At first, it was kind of awkward, but after we talked for awhile it was pretty cool. We drank mechu and he showed me pictures of his trip to Jeju Island and taught me the names of all the planets in Korean. They are also the names of the days of the week, so I think that lesson will help me out a lot. I was trying to use as much Korean as possible, but I'm so bad at it!! Another great thing is that he had super cute stationary. Oh I don't think I've written about this yet, but Korea has the best stationary in the world I think!! It is so cool!! And the boys here like stuff that would be considered too girlie in the US. It's so awesome!! They have stuffed animals and pink backpacks and cute stationary. They are the best!! Boys in the U.S. need to take some lessons from these guys. Oh ,except Blair. He already rules about stuff like that!

One other thing about Friday - Zzazang (this is his nickname by the way) and I were walking to the coffee hof just as the full moon was rising. It was so beautiful!! It was huge right on the horizon, and bright yellow!! Not white like usual, but really really yellow. So neat!! The sky was still dusk. That deep deep purple blue color that you see right before it's completely night. And you could still see the dark green of the trees against the purple. And then there it was, the bright yellow moon in the center of all of that. Really breath taking! I was so impressed!! God I love Korea!! Zzazang said the moon was really romantic, which it was, and that is something I would say. So after that I thought he was awesome!!

Saturday I slept in as late as possible. Man, it felt good to get some sleep!! Then I had a cyber date to play Go with Devin on Yahoo Games. That was fun! I kept giving him tips which was kind of surprising to me because I'm not good at Go. I think it was the first time he played though. Anyway it was fun to talk with him live online. Yeah!! Go is really popular in Korea. In Korean it's called Paduk. I hope someone at my school or in my host family plays. That way I'll get more practice. It's such a fun game!!

It was so hot here today, so I didn't do anything else until evening. At 7pm, Kelly and I met the people from the Samul-nori Pei. Man it was soooo fun!!! They made us Samgyupsal (fried pork similar to bacon. You eat it wrapped in lettuce with rice and hot pepper sauce). It was soooo good!! We also had Kimchi Pagan and Bokum Kimchi! Yummm!! We cooked and ate everything on the roof of the Natural Sciences building. It was so great. We could see the moon again, and it was bright yellow and full like Friday night. But when it was higher in the sky, it was white, and lit up all the clouds. It was so pretty!! My friend In-young kept saying it looked like a scene from a horror movie. That was funny. After dinner we played again for awhile. It felt so good to play, but I really missed KYCC. I love playing, but playing with your own pumg-mul pei is always the best feeling!! Still the feeling with this group was good, and we had a fun time! I hope I see them again, but I think many of them are leaving tomorrow to visit their families before school starts again. It was a really good night!

2001-08-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

So it's Wednesday August 1. The internet connection in my dorm room keeps going out,so right now I'm in a PC Bang. Very exciting! Actually I really like this PC bang beacuse it's really chill, and there are always computers free here. Also, they watch krazy Korean tv shows. I think it's a tactic to distract me, so I'll use the computer for longer. Korean TV is pretty cool. Oh Derek don't kill me for saying that OK!! Maybe after I live here for awhile longer I won't like it anymore. Man, I can't wait to move to my host family and start teaching. I feel like I'm living in Fulbright orientation safety bubble or something. It gets a little weird, but I'm really excited to have the language classes. Still I can't wait to move. I still don't know where I'm going. I'm going to request to go to a town called Jeonju, but three other people want to go there too, so I'm not sure if I will be placed there or not. We'll see I guess. Anywhere will be cool I think. I'm feeling nervous about teaching. I'm not sure if I'll be a good teacher or not. I hope so.

Oh... Today I got my yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do class. Pretty cool huh!! he he. We had do perform a test with all the punches, blocks and kicks we learned. I passed. So tomorrow I get my belt.

Oh another cool thing about today was the rain! The rain in Korea is wild!! It rains really really hard and fast here. It's pretty amazing to watch, but it's bad if you have to walk around in it. One thing I really love is the thunder and lightning. The bay area doesn't really have thunder and lightning, and I really missed it. It's so beautiful and powerful. I love the sound!!

And another cool thing about Korea is the frozen treats! They have the best popsicles here! Maybe I just didn't eat that many popsicles in the US, but they are so good here. Especially the melon bars! Yummmmmmmm!!!

I just read this entry to my roommate, and it sounds like I'm in 3rd grade. Ha ha ha. That's funny!

2001-07-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

I had the best weekend at Songnisan. Saturday, we ate really really good mushroom jigae for lunch. I didn't think that mushrooms could taste that good! Then in the evening we went to Popgusa Buddist Temple. God it was so beautiful!! All the buildings are very intricately painted with really bright colors and the design and architecture are very ornate. We watch the monks perform the evening ceremony. I mostly watched the part of the ceremony which involves paying homage to the animals. This ceremony took place in a pavilion a ways away from the main shine. There are four instruments in the ceremony. A very large barrel drum on a stand which the monks play double handed with long chae (drumsticks). A very large bell which is played by a monk swinging a log hanging from the ceiling against it. The bell's range and resonance is very powerful!! You can hear it from very far away and you can feel it with every cell in your body when your near it. A fish drum that is hollow and open at the bottom. The fish looks a bit dragon like. To play it, the monks stick the chae inside the hollow open part at the bottom and hit edges of the opening. The last instrument is a gong shape kind of like a cloud which is played with a wooden mallot. I was told that the drum is for the land animals, the bell is for human soul suffering, the fish drum is for sea/water animals and the cloud gong is for flying animals. The instruments are played in the order I listed them. The ceremony was very neat!! I was pretty much enraptured. Really amazing! The drum rhythms were amazing! After seeing the temple we ate dinner and I took a walk. The walk was really nice. It made me feel a lot more peaceful than I had been feeling the rest of the week.

Sunday was soooooo great!! We hiked to Munjangdae Peak at the top of Songnisan. Oh my God, Korea is so beautiful. I love the mountains here!! The hike up took about three hours. The trees here are so delicate and beautiful. And bright bright green. I was so inspired. One thing that I really feel in love with was the sound of the wind blowing through the trees. The sound is so amazing. I can't really describe the power of it. At first I kept thinking it was a waterfall, but when I realized it was the wind I almost cried. It is such a beautiful and powerful sound!! The view from the top was spectacular. You could see the green mountains for miles. I wished I could fly at the top so bad!! We rested awhile and continued along the ridge of the mountain. Right near the point where we turned to start back down there was a turn off for a Buddist hermitage, so we went to check it out. We saw a momument and were resting by it, when this really cute dog came along and started playing with us. It turned out that it was the dog of the Sunim (monk) that has been living at the hermitage for the past ten years. He invited us up for something to drink. So we went up and he gave us lunch and made us green tea. The best tea I've ever had!! About this time a storm started rolling in, so he invited us in. We sat in the shine room drinking tea and talking with the sunim while the storm past. He was so cool!! Also, I wish everyone could be on that mountain looking out over the edge while a storm is rolling in. It was one of the most beautiful things I've seen in my entire life. After the rain stopped, we decided we better head back. The sunim told us we could come stay with him in the fall when the leaves were changing, and gave us cards with his number so we could call him. So we left, and the hike down was really beautiful. There was a stream running along the trail the whole way. The water was so clear! When we got down, we ate a really really good dinner. Then I was so tired I went to sleep.

Every morning at 3:30 am is the dawn ceremony at the temple, so a group of us got up to attend. It was really neat and very peaceful. The singing was really beautiful. All the ceremony also uses a percussion instrument. It's a resonating wood block that's hit with a stick. So we sat through the ceremony, and it was really peaceful. It finished around 4:30 am, and everyone except my friend Mimi and me went back. Mimi and I decided earlier that we wanted to watch the sunrise, so we stayed on the temple grounds to do so. There are a lot of buildings on the grounds and a lot of them have shines. So the monks have to give ceremony at each one, and each ceremony uses one of the wood block instruments. So we were sitting in the middle courtyard and could here all the different ceremonies at once. Each sunim had his on pace. So the basic pattern of hitting was going on at different times from different buildings. Man, it was the coolest song!! the random rhythms it created were so neat. We just sat there in the dark listening to that for about an hour. So beautiful!!! The sky started getting light and outlining the trees and the temple buildings. The clouds started looking brighter and little by little we could see the colors of the pale morning. The mountain mist slowly wound it way through the ravines of the mountain side. Wow it was so neat and peaceful and sutble and beautiful! Now I understand why they call Korea the Land of the Morning Calm. I felt like my chest was going to burst. It was so amazing!!

Today we were supposed to go to the Korean Folk Village, but we were rained out and so now I'm just e-mailing. Also, I'm really hungry so I'm gonna quit now.

2001-07-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I'm so behind on my journal. Ok - I'll just go day by day.

Wednesday

Wednesday I finally ate the very famous Chuncheon Dalkkalbi (spicy BBQ chicken). Yumm!! It was really good. It is a really good meal to share with a group of people too. I wish I could have eaten it with everyone from KYCC. Afterwards, I was supposed to go to the Noribang (karaoke room) with my class, but I ditched so that I could hang out with my roomie, Gina, her sunsangnim (teacher) and some other kids from our program. That was great. We just sat outside and talked for awhile.

Thursday

Yeah!! Yesterday I finally got to play jangoo!! The RA of my dorm is in the Danso (traditional Korean flute) club on campus, so they let me use their jangoo. The sad part is that it's never that fun to play by yourself. The even worse part is that I was playing outside in front of the club building, and the Pungmul Pei was practicing up the street. I could see them, and it looked so fun. Man, I wanted to join them so bad, but I felt weird. They told me they are having MT right now, so I should come back after that was finished. I missed KYCC so bad at that moment. My friend Devin told me that he was walking around Oaklnad the other day and saw the KYCC building. He said he thought of me and peeked in the window and people were practicing. I really wish I was in Soljangoo class getting yelled at by Hojung-unni right now!

Friday

Today was pretty weird. I think this was really hard period for people on my program. A lot of people were crying and really homesick. Also, the Korean sunsangnims are trying to get used to teaching punk-ass American college students. So they are frustrated and crying. So everyone is kind of frustrated. For me this week was weird too. I feel this pull from the U.S., and I feel myself getting wraped up in that. But today I decided that I really need to refocus on being in Korea, and my goals for being here. My major goals are learning Korean and Pungmul, as well as, continuing to become a more confident self-directed person. I feel like i'm kind of in a daze a lot of the time, and tonight I was walking around thinking, "what the fuck am I doing here!" Maybe that feeling will come and go, but I need to continue to remind myself of my reasons and goals. Also, I'm so lucky that I have so much support from my family and friends for being here. It really keeps me going, and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going! I know I will make it ok.

Tomorrow we are going to Songnisan Mountain for the weekend. I'm very excited!! I hear it is very beautiful and famous for mushrooms. It will be nice to have a little vacation from the dorms.

2001-07-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

Today was a hot sweaty tired frustrating day. Korean class was really fun though. But man it was hard to wake up this morning. Then I just felt preoccupied by other stuff so I couldn't concentrate on things. I was worried about my sister, Hayley, and thinking about an e-mail my friend Devin sent. Also, I miss people in the U.S. a lot, like my parents, and my kitty, and my sisters, and KYCC, and Blair and Bridget. I talked with Blair on the phone for awhile. That was really nice!! He is such a good friend. I love that guy! Now I'm just procrastinating. I really need to study. I failed the Korean quiz this morning. Keeyoung-unni - don't be mad! I'll study harder from now on ok!! ok i must go!!

2001-07-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

Man oh man, I haven't written in two days. Naughty!! Luckily it's because I was out doing stuff instead of because of a lack of interesting things to write about. Friday was a pretty good day. I had Korean class during the day. I asked one of the Hangul Sunsangnims (teacher) this question about case markers (-i and -ga), so he researched it for me and gave me a presentation about it after dinner. I thought it was really nice of him to go through all that effort for me. After that a bunch of us went out and drank makolai (rice wine) to relax after a long week. It was fun. Everyone told a story about their most embarassing moment. Mine involved standing on a chair singing Jingle Bells in front of a bar full of people at a wedding, but since this is my web journal, I'll skip the details. After that I was tired so I went to sleep, but I ended up missing out on hanging out with the cute Tae Kwon Do TA's at their club room on campus. Next time I hope!

Saturday was great!! After our morning seminar I went to Seoul for Sarah and Dope's house warming party. It was sooooo fun. They made the best and most delicious spread of food I've had in Korea so far. I felt really lucky. There were a lot of Korean Americans at the party that have been living in Korea for awhile for various reasons. It was great to talk with all of them about their experiences here. I feel a lot more at ease about being here, and also very excited. It was nice to know that they all went through up and down cycles about being in Korea. Also, they gave me a lot of helpful tips about teaching English. In addition to all that serious stuff, we were joking and laughing like crazy, and I had a really really good time. The cab ride back to Derek's house was really great as well. I saw a lot of Seoul that I hadn't seen before. Seoul is really pretty at night. Especially some parts. And after it rains all the lights are reflecting off the wet surfaces. The whole city looks like a giant burst of color. It is so beautiful!!

Today was good too. I slept in really late again, which I really needed. Then I hung out with Derek until I had to catch my train back to Chuncheon. Can I just mention again how much I love the subway?!! Thanks!

When I got back, Gina (my roommate in Chuncheon) and I had a talk about being European American and really interested in Korea and Korean culture and how that is perceived by Korean-Americans, Koreans and other European Americans. It was great to have that discussion with her. It's a weird issue for me so it's nice to have someone to talk with about it. I'm really glad that I met her. From the discussions I've had with the other non Korean-American fulbrights here, I've gathered that the major reasons for coming on the program are an interest in teaching, a general interest in Asia, or an interest in spending a year abroad with Fulbright. I feel lucky to be paired with the other non Korean-American that has a specific interest in Korea. Plus, an added bonus is that her Korean is really good and she always helps me with my homework. She rules!!!

Anyway, That about catches me up. I'm beat. I gotta sleep!

2001-07-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Uhhh.. Nothing really interesting happened to me today, so I'll just write down my daily schedule for Orientation Monday-Friday. 6:30 alarm goes off. 6:30-7:00 hit snooze button. 7-7:30 shower and brush teeth. 7:30-8:30 breakfast -which is usually at least rice and Kimchi!!! Yeah!! I LOVE kimchi. And that's not sarcastic. kimchi, kimchi jigae, kimchi pokempab, kimchi pagan, etc. I love it all!!! 8:30-11:30 korean class. 11:30-1:30 lunch. It never takes me 2 hours to eat, so usually I study a little or read and send e-mail. Today I took a nap. 1:30-2:30 korean class. 2:30-3:30 directed korean study with Korean sunsangnim (teacher), basically q and a session. 3:30-4:15 - free, today I took another nap. 4:15-5:45 - Tae Kwon Do. 5:45-7:00 - Dinner. Then I'm free. I study, send e-mail, write these entries, hang out in Chuncheon, watch the sunset, do laundry, etc. So that's about it. I have a big oral Korean placement test tomorrow so I must study!!

2001-07-18T07:53:00.000-07:00

Today I watched the sunset from the roof of my dorm building. Wow!! I wish you could have seen the colors, the changes of light, the silhouette of the mountains, the shapes of the sun as it dropped. And that you could have smelled the heavy damp air and the smoke from the fire burning down the street. And that you could have felt the heat on your body and the power of seeing something beautiful.

2001-07-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Here is and excerpt from an e-mail I wrote to my friend Helen today. I think it pretty much sums up what I feel like saying right now.

…I feel pretty weird, though. And the past few days I've been feeling a little depressed. You know that I'm always hard on myself, but I just keep getting down on myself about stuff, like wishing I wasn't so dorky and all that. Also, I keep feeling weird about my interest in Korea. I feel like it is valid, and that coming here was a pretty logical and emotional choice for me, but being here keeps making me question this. I'm definitely weird here. It's as if all my previous interest in and knowledge (limited that it is) of Korea was erased the moment I stepped of the plane. I don't know maybe that is a good thing, but I feel really weird about it. Like is it really ok for a honky from the suburban jungles of Utah to totally be into Korea and pungmul, or is it lame. Am I fetishizing it or are my feelings pure? I know I really love pungmul and I love KYCC and it feels right to be in Korea right now, but I still get these anxious feelings…

2001-07-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

Man, I feel so lame today, like a big loser. I hate it when I feel like this. It gets me so down about what's going on in my life. And that's definately not what I should be feeling here. I always place such high expectations on myself. It's as if I'm setting myself up to fail. I need to chill. Also, I need to get more sleep. I think it will make me feel a lot better.

One eventful thing is that I started a five week intensive Tae Kwon Do class today. It was pretty fun so far, but I'm so uncoordinated.

Oh, also today I heard the campus pungmul pei playing for a few hours. The sounds were ringing across the whole campus. It was really frustrating to hear it! I wanted to play so bad, but I kept having to go to class. Also, I'm not sure if it would be weird if I just showed up and asked to play, espcially since I don't speak Korean. Still if I hear them again I'll try to check it out.

2001-07-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hanging out with Derek today was fun. We slept in really late. It felt nice to finally have a nice night of sleep. I think this was the first one since I've had here. Being well rested makes me feel a lot better. We had really yummy Jajangmyun for lunch. Then we went to two bookstores trying to find a electronic Hangul-English translator, which we found and I bought. I really like taking the subway and walking around Seoul. It's such a nice city!!

Right now, I'm back in Chuncheon. And i'm tired. I'm going to bed now.

2001-07-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm in Seoul at a PC bang (place with a bunch of PC's you can rent to use the internet for about $1 per hour) around the corner from Derek's house. My roommate Gina and I took a train here from Chuncheon earlier today. It was so fun!! I've never taken a train before to travel, so it was all new for me. I really enjoyed it. Especially the landscape. God, Korea is so beautiful. It was raining today so all the mountains were covered by this light layer of mist. All the trees and plants here are very green, so when they are covered by the mist, they all turn these varying shades subtle green. The shades depend on the distance of the maountain, so you see these delicate silhouettes of the shapes of the hills covered in mist. It's very ghostlike and beautiful. The air outside is still very hot and humid, but the rain is a little bit cool. It's very nice. And the smell of the air is so crisp and lush. Wow! I love it. Also, the tracks run along a river, so we'd be moving through the trees and come out to a spot looking over the water. It's was so amazing. Another thing I love is the fields. Especially the rice fields. They look very beautiful. The patterns of the fields are very rhythmic.

Last night some other fulbrights and I went out in Chuncheon with one of our Korean teachers. Man, I really missed hanging out with KYCC at that moment. It's just not the same going to drink Soju with a bunch of semi-strangers. I guess that's a good way to get to know people better, but sitting in a Korean bar made me feel really nostalgic and a bit homesick. Still, hanging out with our teacher was pretty fun. He is a really cool guy.

I think today was the first day I felt depressed about being here. I think that feeling will probably come and go for me this year. It wasn't too bad today. I tried to make myself get out and do stuff instead of letting it take over my thinking and my physical energy. I was feeling too sad for a bit. I'm glad I came to Seoul. Feeling the excitement of a big city and seeing Derek is really good for my state of mind. I feel really lucky Derek is such a good friend to me. Also, I ate Kimchi Jigae, my favorite Korean food, for dinner so that cheered me up too.

2001-07-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

Chuncheon is very beautiful! The whole town is surrounded by green mountains. On foggy days or days when it might rain, the clouds, which look like a light airy white mist, seep through the ravines of the mountains. The contrast of the bright lush green against the misty white is so amazing! It really blows my mind. Yesterday it rained in the early evening. It was so nice! It’s that kind of slightly cool rain that refreshes everything in a really hot and humid place. I just sat in the rain enjoying it for a while. I practiced Talchum for a bit, but I kept forgetting the sequence, which was driving me crazy. You’d think with all the practice we did, I wouldn’t forget so easily. Also, it’s not as fun to practice by myself.

Today was fun. We started Hangul class. Most of my class was review, but it still felt good to be in class and studying. In the evening I took a walk around town. I love walking here at night because it’s warm. I really missed warm summer nights when I lived in SF. Also, it is so hot here that when it cools of in the evening it feels perfect for exploring.

I trying to think what I’ve been thinking about but mostly it’s just been about Hangul and things in the present time. No real profound stuff or anything. I feel a little nervous about becoming a teacher in a month and a half. I hope that I will do a good job. I hope my students like me. And my host family.

2001-07-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I arrived in Chuncheon to begin my six week orientation. I really loved driving through the Korean counrty side. It's so beautiful here. So green and lush. The cranes in the rice fields were espesically neat.

I'm feeling much better about being here than when I wrote my last entry.

2001-07-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hmmm.... Let's see. Today was the first day I started feeling weird here. Maybe the jet lag wore off or something, but I definately started feeling anxious and stressed wondered if I would be able to make it through a year here. I think I will start to feel better when I start practicing Korean more. I really wish I hadn't been such a slacker about it when I had so many people at KYCC that would have helped me. Well at least being here will really motivate me to learn quickly.

Ohh one cool thing is that I successfully used my first squat toilet today!! So thanks to everyone that gave me lessons about it before I arrived!! I think it helped that I was wearing a skirt.

Tonight all the Fulbrights had dinner at the Ambassador's compound. Man, that was really weird!! I'm trying to figure out how to describe how I felt there. I think it made me realize what a position of privilage U.S. Citizenship holds in the world. It's similar to white privalige inside the U.S. I guess I should of thought about that before, but I guess that's why it's important for me to be here.

2001-07-08T05:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, Korea is so fun! I spent most of last night and most of today hanging out with Derek. Last night we met his friends Eun-kyung and Dope and had noodles and papinsu (Uh.. not sure in I spelled this romanization right, this is Korean shaved ice, fruit, ice crean treat). Man it was the best papinsu I every tasted!! Eun-kyung and Dope were really cool, and it was fun hanging out and talking.

First thing today I met Derek and went to the comic book store. Man the comics here are great!!! The are all graphic novel size for only 3-5 dollars. It awesome!! There are a lot of really good artist too. Also, a lot of cheesy romance comics and sports comics and sports romance comics. Pretty funny!! I picked up two books, which are both in Korean so I can't really read them yet, but the art work is great!! After that we went to eat kimbap (korean sushi) for lunch. Yummmmm!!!!

Then we spent a lot of time riding the subway. For those of you that know about my obsession with subway systems, you'll know that this was really fun for me. Seoul's subway system is really really cool!!! It's really easy to use and it seems like you can get to most places you want to go using it, but I haven't been here that long so I'm not exactly sure. Anyway the cars are set up kind of like the NY subway, but are a little wider. Also, they are air conditioned which means a lot of hot sweaty days like today. The payment system is similar to BART. The price depends on how far you are going, although the price is a million times cheaper than BART!! You run your ticket through as you enter and as you exit. I love the subway here!! Hee hee!! Oh there is one transfer tunnel here that is really cool. There are all these cool cartoon murals painted on the walls. Really really neat charaters!! It's my favorite part of the subway so far.

After our subway adventures, we walked around Insa-dong which is an area with a lot of tea houses and stores that sell a lot of "cultural" stuff for people to buy like Korean ceramics, traditional masks, jewelry, paper, key chanins, etc. I felt like this was kind of the similar to walking down Grant street in SF Chinatown or down Powell street with a lot of shops selling ornaments of cable cars. There were a lot of tourists there buying stuff, uh.. myself included although I wasb't buying anything.

By this time we were pretty tired so we sat down in the park full of adjashies playing chess and hanging out and talked. Man I love Derek!! I missed him. It was great to just talk for awhile. He's such a great person. Also i ate one of those Korean melon ice cream bars. Man, those things are good!! I forgot about them. MMMMMMM!!

Oh one thing I forgot the mention is that we went to this really cool pungmul store that Dohee took Derek and Helen. Man that place was great!! I can't wait play again!!! I really hope that is sooner than later!

anyway that's about it for today.

2001-07-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! So I made it here safely and everything. Yesterday I spent my first few hours in Korea sitting in the airport, waiting. Pretty boring, but I was pretty spaced out, so I probably couldn't have had fun doing anthing else anyway. After the airport I passed out at the Yogwan (motel) until this morning. So today has been my first full day in Korea. Man it's great to be here finally!! Let's see, I had some orientation stuff in the morning, but starting with lunch it has been pretty cool. I ate bibimbap for lunch, then we rode the subway around Seoul, and checked out the places our coordinators gave us. Our list was Hong Ik University, which we didn't spend much time at but looked like a place where a lot of young people hang out, and Lotte department store, which I spent about an hour checking out, but all the prices were expensive. It was pretty neat going there though. There were a lot of people because there were a lot of sales going on. Mostly I just watch people. Man, Koreans are really cool!! Right now i'm sitting in the PC Bang near the Yagwon writing this post, and this guy sitting next to me just gave me a piece of watemelon. Pretty nice huh!! So far I like Korea, but really want to do more exploring! I'm sure there are much cooler places in Seoul than Lotte department store! Good thing I'm meeting Derek for dinner soon, so he can show me around. I feel like I haven't seen enough yet to give you all any good impressions, but I like it. It's pretty hot out. I like seeing all the signs and products in Hangul. I just took a nap before i came here and had a dream with a bunch of Hangul signs in it. I liked that! I think everything is new and exciting to me right now, so I'm feeling pretty good about being here. I haven't really realized that i'm not going home for a year, so I thing when I hit that point it might be more difficult. Right now, it's just like being on vacation. Oh one thing that was cool in that i passed by a musical instruement store and they had changoo and buks in the window! Man, I really miss playing and can't wait till I find some way to practice. Oh - Donna-unni if you read this, all the meetings today were in the Fulbright building. If that's where your housing is when you get here, it seems pretty nice so don't worry. OK - more tomorrow hopefully. See ya.

2001-06-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Welcome to my new webjournal. Keep checking here for updates on my life in Korea.

So far I'm feeling pretty hectic getting ready to leave. I'm feeling a little anxious, but truely I can't wait to get to Korea!